Life Transitions

The thought of a mid-life crisis has become the stuff of jokes and gags in recent years. The picture of a middle-aged man driving around in his Porsche with an 18-year-old blonde hottie at his side... the vision of a 40s-something woman wearing hot pants and turning her body over to the plastic surgeon... the idea of an otherwise competent adult turning into a brainless and clueless loser who makes the most embarassing choices.

In fact, the mid-life crisis is a very real and very predictable transition in the human life cycle. I know this because I too have passed through my mid-life crisis years. Fortunately, I came out the other side of the transition far happier and more settled that I could have imaginge. The research I did during this period was truly fascinating, and the mid-life transition is actually quite well-understood and well-documented. It was kind of shocking how closely my own symptoms and thought patterns correlated with the scenarios described by the experts in the numerous books I read at the time. What, then, is the genuine mid-life crisis?



The human life cycle includes several key transition periods that encompass our biological, psychological and situational requirements for the upcoming phase of our life. For example, we all know about puberty and how the human body provides a hormonal growth spurt that prepares us for reproducing children and perpetuating the species. Similarly, all parents are familiar with their child's powerful psychological imperative to begin separating from their parents during this same period in preparation for the independence of their adulthood. (I'm being kind here -- this powerful drive to separate from parental authority is what creates those chaotic and painful teenage years!) When viewed this way, we can see that puberty provides an important transition from childhood to adult status, and includes a broad ranges of aspects such as physical, emotional, psychological and behavioral aspects.

What if the mid-life crisis is the same sort of phenomenon -- a period of transition that leads us from our years of childbearing and career-building efforts into the next phase of our life? This is what the experts tell us. Starting around the early to mid-40s, the human experience will generally begin turning away from the dual focus of building a life (career, successs, wealth) while also bearing and raising children. During this period, the human psych begins perceiving a new phase where the emphasis is on the return of value to others and to the community.

Put into biological terms, in early adulthood we focus on supporting and protecting the nuclear family since survival of the species is paramount. Then, as our responsibilities to the nuclear family decline, we emphasize supporting and protecting the larger community. If you picture the life cycle of our ancient forefathers or even of current tribal-based societies, you will see this pattern very clearly.

So what does this have to do with fast cars and plastic surgery? Like most major transitions, the mid-life shift begins to occur only as a result of pain. At this time in our lives, we begin to grow bored with the careers we've pursued for 20 to 25 years; we become disillusioned with the self-focused life we have made, and we begin to ask if we've done enough worthwhile things with our time; we begin to face the truth of our own mortality as we see our bodies aging and our children becoming stronger than we are; and we soon begin to ask: "Is that all there is?" From this pain, some of us react with fear and denial, turning to the cliche behaviors of fast cars and plastic surgery.

But, ultimately, as we continue working through these transitional questions, we begin to realize that we would be happier and feel better if we spent some time helping others and giving back to the world. As this realization takes hold in our hearts and minds, we quickly begin making plans to pursue new opportunities that will both interest us and further our objective of helping others. And, very soon after that, we will establish new routines in our lives that will feel important and worthwhile. We may still be working in the same careers (or not), and we may be finishing up raising our kids, but the core of our lives and our hearts will now have a new focus. We will have successfully weathered our mid-life crisis.