Bouncing Back

If you've read About me, then you'll remember my two children were both adopted from Russia through an international adoption process. In each adoption, there was several months of paperwork required before the adoption was completed. As a result of one evening that occurred during the pre-adoption period for my first child, I learned a valuable lesson I still abide by today, even after 12 years. I learned to keep a healthy skepticism about the value and accuracy of my nighttime judgment -- and never, ever make a final important decision at night.



When I decided to adopt my daughter (my first adoption), I was a single parent who worked full-time and traveled frequently. I did not have family in town, nor any particular best friends who I could rely on for help in getting through life. In general, I was a working professional who's life consisted primarily of my work, with little time for anything else.

However, I was quite serious about sharing my life with a child and had already made huge steps towards accomplishing this goal. I had sold my small townhouse and purchased a larger single-family home; I had spent a couple of months working with social workers on my home study to approve me as a legally qualified adoptive parent; and I had initiated tons of immigration paperwork to allow me to bring a child from Russia into the USA. Needless to say, I was clearly committed to my plan.

Yet, one night, as I was preparing to go to bed, I remember starting to doubt what I was doing. I began worrying that: 1) I didn't know the first thing about parenting; 2) I didn't know how I would care for a child while still working and traveling; and 3) I didn't have any idea (yet) what child would be referred to me by the adoption agency, or what health or emotional problems that child might bring into my life. As I thought about it some more, I remember literally saying to myself...

What are you possibly thinking! You won't be able to handle this! You simply cannot do this! Really, no kidding, you can't do this!

Luckily for me, I had no choice but to go to sleep with my doubts. When I awoke the next day, I never again felt concerned about completing the adoption. But I learned a valuable lesson. We are at an emotional weak point at the end of a long day. We are tired, and things will appear to be much harder to accomplish than they actually are. Further, I believe the physical darkness of the night shrinks our world and our sense of what's possible, especially when compared with the blazing freshness of a warm and sunny morning. On counterpoint, mornings find us well-rested and brimming with energy. The world seems full of possibilities, and problems shrink from the overwhelming to merely the annoying.

Since that night when I felt it was imperative to shut off one of the most important events of my life, I have noticed the common pattern of feeling greater levels of doubt at day's end. Instead of giving in to these doubts, I simply shrug them off and hold my thoughts for re-consideration in the light of day. In order to assure making the best choices in your own life, you may want to evaluate your own decision-making habits. You'll want to be sure that you make important decisions from a place of personal strength, such as the daytime, and not during a period of weakness, such as during the dark of night.

How did my decision turn out, you ask? Well, simply put, my daughter is the light and center of my life. We've been absolutely fine over the past 12 years, and she's entering high school next month as a wonderful young lady who I am immensely proud of. I simply cannot imagine how much poorer my life might have been had I let those nighttime doubts win out!